I recently pointed out to my husband a problem we were having with a device and that the problem always appeared after he used it. As most people would, he insisted it couldn’t just be him. It must also happen when I used it. So, I tracked it for a few days and was able to show him it was indeed only him. A few days later, he was excited to tell me he’d figured out what he was doing to cause the problem. We were both relieved.
“So, there you go,” I wanted to say. “It’s not always that someone is assigning blame or fault when they point something out, unless we choose to take it that way. But not until we own the problem can we figure out a way to fix it.”
I’m only bringing up this example because it’s so recent. I’m as guilty as anyone of resisting hearing from my husband or children or anyone else that I’ve done something “wrong.” It’s natural for anyone to respond first with defensiveness in those situations. Think about when you were a child and your parents actually caught you in the act of some transgression and still you insisted, “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Once we get past our insecurities, though, we can often atone for our mistakes, address a problem, or change our habits.
New writers often ask me how they can develop a thick skin when it comes to critiques. When I first started writing, I took every…
